Thursday, June 28, 2007

Is that your iPhone in your pocket?

We enjoy ourselves some good porn every once in awhile. By "awhile," we mean, like, every day.

We're not obsessed with it, though. We've never felt the need to carry it around in our pockets, wherever we go. We're more than content to watch it on the old porn machine, er, laptop.

But hey, who are we to judge?

We've been reading over on Fleshbot, that porn producers are gearing up to provide video for the new iPhones. That's not exactly a new thing, since porn downloads have been available for the iPod for some time.

But from what we've seen, the iPhone is going to blow away the iPod. It's going to do to iPods, what TiVo did to VHS machines.

Still, we're having a hard time getting our minds around this whole pocket porn concept.

It's not that we think porn on an iPhone is a bad thing. It's that we think watching anything on such a small screen is a little unnecessary.

And then we started to think about it, and we realized that with a 3.5 inch screen, a video on the iPhone is going to be only slightly smaller than a YouTube video.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Weekend of shameless plugs

We're still figuring out what exactly this blog is going to be when it grows up. When we want some inspiration, we peruse the offerings at Humor-Blogs dot com. There's an excellent selection of bloggers over there who are a lot funnier than we can hope to be.

Ok. That was shameless plug #1.

If you've got HBO, you really should check out the new show Flight of the Conchords, Sunday @ 10:30 p.m. EST. If you're into silly deadpan humor, you'll get a kick out of Bret and Jemaine, two New Zealanders trying to make it in the Big Apple. In real life, they are a musical comedy duo that goes by the same name as the TV show. If you want to know more about the show, check out one of our other blogs.

On to shameless plug #3.

And as long as we're whoring for traffic, we'd like to take a moment to honor the world's smartest man. His name is Hammer and he's a lot smarter than us. He came up with this idea to get a lot of other smart people, though not quite as smart as him, to link to his very funny blog, Hammer Uncut. He calls it a link exchange on steroids. We figured this blog could use a little juice.

And, finally, we'd like to end with these thoughts: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, free porn, naked coeds, Angelina Jolie nude, cheerleader sex, barely legal, bikini models, Pamela Anderson sex tape, Jenna Jameson hot lesbian action.

Friday, June 22, 2007

So life-like, it might kill you

We miss the good old days, back when everyone practiced free love and there was nothing a little antibiotics couldn't cure.

Actually, we're a little young to remember that.

We grew up in mortal fear that our private parts might spontaneously combust if we didn't practice safe sex.

But we never thought it would come to this. Now you can't even pull out your favorite sex toy for playtime without fears that you could be killing yourself.

It seems there's concern that phthalates, a material commonly used in dildos and vibrators, could be hazardous to your health. It's apparently the material that gives a dildo that jelly-like feel.

Some consumer safety advocates recommend that if you're going to use a toy made with phthalates, you might want to consider sliding a condom over it (We recommend Durex).

There is some debate whether phthalates are actually harmful. You should also be aware that the material is used in a lot of other things from baby teething rings to raincoats.

A few opinions on the subject can be found at Babeland's Blog and Alternet.

(Our lawyers have advised us to make clear that the photo of "Mr. Limpy" was used for illustrative purposes only. We have no knowledge of or make any claims that Mr. Limpy either contains phthalates or is phthalate-free. Furthermore, we wonder if 6.5 inches of flaccid penis really should be considered "medium." That is all.)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The case of the purloined papers

When we were youngsters, our mother told us the importance of always wearing clean underwear. As good old mom would say, you never know when you might get into an accident.

Thinking back on those words years later, we wonder what exactly she meant.

Did she mean that we might end up in an ambulance, where the paramedics, who should be feverishly trying to save our lives, will be too busy laughing at our beat-up knickers to perform CPR?

The point is, don't leave the house in anything that you might be embarrassed to be seen in.

So, if you're going to head to a sporting event, put letters on your belly and, basically, draw attention to yourself, don't be too surprised if you end up on the front page of a newspaper.

Apparently, a couple coeds at Farmington State College in Massachusetts, had some remorse after seeing their photo in the school paper. Their solution was to steal as many of the newspapers as they could.

Really, there's nothing wrong with any of the girls in this photo. But two of them, you'll have to guess which two because school officials aren't saying, have admitted to the theft, saying they thought the picture made them look "fat."

School officials are making them pay for the cost of the missing papers. Their real punishment? Having the picture they wanted no one to see, posted all over the Internet.

Friday, June 15, 2007

She has our vote

We're not political. We dislike most Republicans and Democrats, equally. But we like the Obama Girl. She's in the video I got a crush on Obama.

The Barack Obama campaign, of course, says they have nothing to do with the video, which stars bikini pinup girl Amber Lee Ettinger. Instead, it appears to be the creation of, a new site whose motto is "Politics are ugly. Girls are pretty."

We're not sure what this site is going to be about, since there's not much on it. But if they keep the videos coming, we may have to start paying attention to politics.

By the way, Amber Lee is not Leah Kaufman, who sings the song and gives us the lyric, "Up in the oval office, you'll get your head of state." Leah has a knack at hitting the top of the YouTube charts with videos of hot chicks lip synching her songs. Last year, she gave the world My Box in a Box.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Have you seen the one about the 70 virgins?

We haven't posted much this week because we're in hiding.

In case you haven't heard, Iran has declared a jihad against pornographers, making it a capital crime to produce smut over there.

Not that we consider ourselves pornographers but, sometimes, we do post some racy photos of the ladies. Take this shot, for example. This picture is hot. That may be the hottest ankle I've ever seen.

We're posting it in defiance of the Iranian parliment because we feel it's our duty to help provide suitable spank material for 13-year-old Iranian boys.

We vaguely remember reading somewhere that it's always the forbidden fruit that tastes the sweetest. We're already predicting that the next big thing on the Internet will be illegal Iranian porn.

Monday, June 11, 2007

We've been flickr'd

We're a little slow in blogging about Flickr's problems filtering content because, and this is embarrassing, we don't have a Flickr account and we never really browsed it until recently.

Dammit, if we can't get off the site now. Who would have thunk that so many people around the world post pictures of women in bikinis and lingerie?

We're still not sure how to use the site all that well. We know that when we typed "porn" into the search box, 52,458 results were returned but of the 24 pictures returned on the first page, 7 were pictures of food, 5 were artsy landscape photos and 1 was of Ronald McDonald.

Maybe, it's related to how Flickr has been pissing people off lately? Blogger Violet Blue has several posts about her frustrations with Flickr's censors. Violet even got a post devoted to her at Fleshbot.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

What a girl wants

A very wise woman once told us, when a lesbian gives you advice on making love to a woman, you best take notes. So, when lesbians put a list together of the top 100 hottest women in the world, we're paying attention.

The ladies at were a little irked last month when Maxim relased their Hot 100 List. It's safe to say what lesbians find sexy in a woman often differs greatly from what your average American horn-dog straight male finds sexy.

A lot of times it's subtle differences. As AfterEllen puts it, the women they find sexiest, are the women they'd like to be. Lindsay Lohan who topped Maxim's list, fell to 79 on the lesbian scale. Eight of the top 10 women on the AfterEllen ranking didn't even make the Maxim list.

Not surprisingly, hotties who are lesbian, bisexual or gay friendly did well on the AfterEllen list. Leisha Hailey, star of Showtime's the L Word, was the top hottie on the lesbian list.

Here's how the fantastic four from each list compares:

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Meet Posh, UK's new ho, er, woman of the year

We still haven't decided what we think of Posh, erstwhile Spice Girl, wife of footballer David Beckham, and recently crowned Great Britian's "Woman of the Year."

We've followed Beckham since he made his World Cup debut on England's 1998 squad. We are not gay. We are not gay curious. But if we were, we would think Becks is one juicy slab of prime rib.

Of course, there's another reason, we appreciate Beckham. If there were no Beckham, Bend it like Beckham would never have been made, which means the world might never have known Kiera Knightly. That would have been a tragedy.

But, really, we never paid that much attention to Posh, a.ka. Victoria Beckham, nee Adams. These days, we don't have much choice. Everywhere we turn, there she is.

We find it curious that she shows up at the "Glamour" awards ceremony looking like she just made bail the morning after a Sunset Strip vice sweep.

We know this because we're dedicated readers of Go Fug Yourself. (We can only dream of being as snarky and bitchy as Heather and Jessica, the two bloggers behind the Fug.)

Don't get us wrong. We think Posh is hot, despite her hooker fetish. But WTF is up with her never smiling? It's hard to work up any good lust for a woman who seems so unhappy in her hotness. It's not like we forced her to dress like that.

We'll also admit that we fancied her a wee bit more before she stole Edward Furlong's hairstyle from T-2. (We stole that line from Heather and Jessica).

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

For the love of the game

Is it wrong to love Lara Croft?

We know it would never work out. She's graceful and acrobatic and can kick your ass 10 different ways to Sunday. She also wears a pair of shorts, tanktop and holsters better than anyone we know. We doubt we're her type but a guy can dream, can't he?

It has been years since we first played Tomb Raider on our old Playstation. Ten years to be exact. We remember how conflicted we were running through the jungle, doing flips while simultaneously drawing down with both barrels on man-eating tigers.

On the one hand, we enjoyed the idea of controlling this sexy killing machine's every move. On the other, we weren't used to being so damn hot. We wanted to rip our clothes off right there in the Amazon.

Anyways, the makers of Tomb Raider are putting out a 10th Anniversary edition of their game. As part of the marketing behind the game's release this week, they assembled most of the models who have posed as Lara Croft at some point. That doesn't include Angelina Jolie, who starred in both movies, or Petra Verkaik, who did a famous strip tease video, or adult website model Aimee Sweet.

Below is our own montage homage to Lara Croft. The six models who have portrayed Lara Croft on behalf of the Tomb Raider gamemaker, Eidos, clockwise from top left: Nell McAndrew, Lucy Clarkson, Lara Weller, Rhona Mitra, Jill De Jong and Karima Adebibe.

Monday, June 4, 2007

G marks the spot

Atlantis. Shangri-La. El Dorado. The G-spot.

Which of these mythical locations actually exists? We swear this isn't a trick question.

Some men have spent their entire lives searching for the G-spot only to come up empty handed. Well, no longer has their fumbling and stumbling been in vain.

Thank modern medicine for showing us the way to the land of milk and honey. A new procedure called a G-shot injects collagen into a woman's Grafenberg Spot, which makes the elusive, little pleasure point swell up to the size of a quarter.

Even the most uncoordinated, directionally-challenged guys can find their way with that kind of help.

We'd also like to take this moment to honor Ernst Gräfenberg, a German-born gynecologist who spent his life studying the female orgasm. This man is our hero. This man should have his own national holiday.

To read about one woman's journey into the unknown, check out the Stiletto Diaries. And for those who do better with video instruction, Fleshbot offers a link.