So life-like, it might kill you

We miss the good old days, back when everyone practiced free love and there was nothing a little antibiotics couldn't cure.

Actually, we're a little young to remember that.

We grew up in mortal fear that our private parts might spontaneously combust if we didn't practice safe sex.

But we never thought it would come to this. Now you can't even pull out your favorite sex toy for playtime without fears that you could be killing yourself.

It seems there's concern that phthalates, a material commonly used in dildos and vibrators, could be hazardous to your health. It's apparently the material that gives a dildo that jelly-like feel.

Some consumer safety advocates recommend that if you're going to use a toy made with phthalates, you might want to consider sliding a condom over it (We recommend Durex).

There is some debate whether phthalates are actually harmful. You should also be aware that the material is used in a lot of other things from baby teething rings to raincoats.

A few opinions on the subject can be found at Babeland's Blog and Alternet.

(Our lawyers have advised us to make clear that the photo of "Mr. Limpy" was used for illustrative purposes only. We have no knowledge of or make any claims that Mr. Limpy either contains phthalates or is phthalate-free. Furthermore, we wonder if 6.5 inches of flaccid penis really should be considered "medium." That is all.)

Just push play

We aren't ashamed to admit it.

We love our Ipod. If it were a woman, we'd cuddle up with it at night and tell her how beautiful she is and smother her with deep, passionate kisses.

That's why we're kicking ourselves for not having thought of the Igasm first. It's a sex toy sold in the United Kingdom that plugs into your Ipod and vibrates to the rhythm of the beat.

Apple's lawyers, who we always thought would have a sense of humor, are none to pleased with the way the Igasm is being marketed. They've told the maker Ann Summers to remove all the product's ads, which use a sly takeoff on the famous Apple silhouette marketing campaign.

Interestingly, the term Igasm was already in the Urban dictionary.

1. iGasm ~ An orgasm induced from listening to songs on an iPod or other mp3 player.
I enjoyed that song so much it made me iGasm.

We're still looking for some product reviews.