What a girl wants

A very wise woman once told us, when a lesbian gives you advice on making love to a woman, you best take notes. So, when lesbians put a list together of the top 100 hottest women in the world, we're paying attention.

The ladies at AfterEllen.com were a little irked last month when Maxim relased their Hot 100 List. It's safe to say what lesbians find sexy in a woman often differs greatly from what your average American horn-dog straight male finds sexy.

A lot of times it's subtle differences. As AfterEllen puts it, the women they find sexiest, are the women they'd like to be. Lindsay Lohan who topped Maxim's list, fell to 79 on the lesbian scale. Eight of the top 10 women on the AfterEllen ranking didn't even make the Maxim list.

Not surprisingly, hotties who are lesbian, bisexual or gay friendly did well on the AfterEllen list. Leisha Hailey, star of Showtime's the L Word, was the top hottie on the lesbian list.

Here's how the fantastic four from each list compares:

Meet Posh, UK's new ho, er, woman of the year

We still haven't decided what we think of Posh, erstwhile Spice Girl, wife of footballer David Beckham, and recently crowned Great Britian's "Woman of the Year."

We've followed Beckham since he made his World Cup debut on England's 1998 squad. We are not gay. We are not gay curious. But if we were, we would think Becks is one juicy slab of prime rib.

Of course, there's another reason, we appreciate Beckham. If there were no Beckham, Bend it like Beckham would never have been made, which means the world might never have known Kiera Knightly. That would have been a tragedy.

But, really, we never paid that much attention to Posh, a.ka. Victoria Beckham, nee Adams. These days, we don't have much choice. Everywhere we turn, there she is.

We find it curious that she shows up at the "Glamour" awards ceremony looking like she just made bail the morning after a Sunset Strip vice sweep.

We know this because we're dedicated readers of Go Fug Yourself. (We can only dream of being as snarky and bitchy as Heather and Jessica, the two bloggers behind the Fug.)

Don't get us wrong. We think Posh is hot, despite her hooker fetish. But WTF is up with her never smiling? It's hard to work up any good lust for a woman who seems so unhappy in her hotness. It's not like we forced her to dress like that.

We'll also admit that we fancied her a wee bit more before she stole Edward Furlong's hairstyle from T-2. (We stole that line from Heather and Jessica).

For the love of the game

Is it wrong to love Lara Croft?

We know it would never work out. She's graceful and acrobatic and can kick your ass 10 different ways to Sunday. She also wears a pair of shorts, tanktop and holsters better than anyone we know. We doubt we're her type but a guy can dream, can't he?

It has been years since we first played Tomb Raider on our old Playstation. Ten years to be exact. We remember how conflicted we were running through the jungle, doing flips while simultaneously drawing down with both barrels on man-eating tigers.

On the one hand, we enjoyed the idea of controlling this sexy killing machine's every move. On the other, we weren't used to being so damn hot. We wanted to rip our clothes off right there in the Amazon.

Anyways, the makers of Tomb Raider are putting out a 10th Anniversary edition of their game. As part of the marketing behind the game's release this week, they assembled most of the models who have posed as Lara Croft at some point. That doesn't include Angelina Jolie, who starred in both movies, or Petra Verkaik, who did a famous strip tease video, or adult website model Aimee Sweet.

Below is our own montage homage to Lara Croft. The six models who have portrayed Lara Croft on behalf of the Tomb Raider gamemaker, Eidos, clockwise from top left: Nell McAndrew, Lucy Clarkson, Lara Weller, Rhona Mitra, Jill De Jong and Karima Adebibe.

Swinging his A-Rod

We wanted to write something funny today but there's no sense faking it. We've just driven 20 hours non-stop across the country and we're typing on fumes. We wanted to write about A-Rod getting busted with his girlie friend. We're sure there's some good material in there: strippers, out-of-town flings, a pissed-off wife. Instead, we're going to post a couple videos, have a sip of Scotch, maybe take a dip in the hot tub, and then it's off to dreamland. [Update: His mistress has a name: Joslyn Morse, a Vegas stripper who supposedly has appeared in Playboy. The nudie pictures of Joslyn are here]

And as long as we're on our little run of sports-related posts, check this one out. If this isn't a sport, it should be.



We play a mean air guitar. Sometimes, we crank up Nirvana and pretend that we're on stage at Redrocks circa 1991(Yeah, we know Nirvana never played there, but this is our fantasy). When we play air guitar, we move our fingers up and down in what we think is a pretty good imitation of an actual musician. We imagine that women watch us play air guitar and think to themselves, "Wow, not only is that guy sexy, he can rock! I want to fuck him." After watching this video, we're pretty sure that air sex is definitely not a good way to show off your love-making skills.

Like a virgin, only different

Another news item from the we-really-got-to-lighten-up-and-take-a-joke department.

This time, it's actress Katie Holmes who is gearing up her legal team to go after a wannabee porn starlet named, not so coincidently, Katee Holmes (that's her above).

Holmes, the one not married to our favorite wacky Scientologist, is allegedly an 18-year-old fashion student who claims her virginity is still intact. Shane's World Studios plans to feature her in a porn-ocumentary entitled True Diary: I'm A Virgin.

We use the term allegedly because we don't think any self-respecting fashion student would wear such a ratty skirt.

According to AVN the movie will "follow Holmes' entry into the porn business, from her first girl/girl scenes to choosing the right male partner for her boy/girl debut. The movie begins shooting in two weeks for a projected fall 2007 release. "

The other Holmes, the one we'd actually pay to see in a porno as long as it didn't have anything to do with her husband or eating placentas, was so pissed she immediately decided to give virgin Katee a million dollars in free publicity.

Non-porn Katie isn't exactly a virgin when it comes to onscreen nudity. She took it off in The Gift, a movie we won't even pretend to have seen. Though, we will admit to having googled for the stills. Nice. We like. Here's the non-virgin Katie looking out from what we guess is her glass-enclosed cell, high atop the Scientology tower.